Sunday, March 27, 2011

Crack Fic: Chapter Five

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four

When we last left our crack fic.....

"Yes that's all very well and good Doctor," Amy chipped in, "but we still need to find a way to get everything back the way it was."

"Yes, yes all right, I know. I'm thinking."

While little Amelia might have had the mind of a 21 year old, she was still down to the emotional level of a 10 year old. "Well think faster! I'm married! That's not legal in the UK! I'll have to move to... to, Sudan! Or-" She broke off there as she burst into sobs.

"There, there." Said yet another new voice, as a man in a very long scarf patted her once or twice on the head before pulling a paper bag out of his pocket in offering. "Would you like a jelly baby?"

Amy sniffled loudly and rubbed her nose. "Yes please," she said either not noticing or not caring that Eleven and Handy were staring at the man in awe and annoyance. She poked through the bag and frowned. "There's no more orange ones."

"A common problem. Try a red one instead."

"Right, that's it!" Eleven burst out. "People are popping through all over the place!" He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and began circling the control room, searching for something. Handy and Four watched him speechlessly, staring at the screwdriver, then looked at each other.

"Well, that's a bit different from my day," Four commented, then went back to rummaging in the bag of jelly babies.

Handy looked amused. "Compensating for something, mate?" he asked.

Eleven ignored both of them, continuing to circle.

"All right," Handy said, after several moments of silence. "What are you looking for?" 

"Well there must be some kind of disturbance in space and time which is causing all of these characters from my past to appear. If I can only locate it, I should, if we're all very lucky, be able to reverse it and get everything back to how it should be."

"Well now," Four said, "perhaps I can be of some assistance there."

The entire TARDIS crew stared expectantly at him. "You see, there's been some sort of breach in space-time. The Master, I suspect, and the Time-Lords seem to have been rooting through my future- your past- thus creating this." He waved his hand grandly at the assembled mess of people.

"The Time-Lords?" asked Handy and Eleven in unison.

Rory looked confused. "Who?"

"Our species. Pompous lot if I ever knew one," explained Four, turning to his future selves. "My, you two look pale."

Handy looked away, picked up his daughter and walked as far from Four and Eleven as he could get in the control room. Eleven looked after him, sighed, and turned to Four. "They're dead. The whole planet's gone. It's just me. Well, us, I suppose. Don't ask me how, it's in your future, you know I can't tell you."

Four looked dumbstruck. Everyone was silent for several minutes. Then Four walked over to the screen mounted above the console. He turned a few knobs, then tapped the screen. "Yes, yes...I rather thought so. Look where we are. When we are."

Eleven walked over. Handy, unable to resist his curiosity, came over as well. Both looked at the screen and at the same time burst out, "That's impossible!"

"But there's a Time Lock! We can't be here!" Handy exclaimed as he stared, awe struck and actually fairly horrified, at the coordinates on the screen. The coordinates of their long gone home planet. Eleven glared at him for saying too much, but he waved his future self's warnings away. "He'll forget about all of this, you know that. We always do. "

"Time Lock? You lads must be mistaken," Four said, grinning smugly. "No Time Lock here. To even create a Time Lock big enough to enclose all of Gallifrey would be beyond the powers of the Daleks in any case. You'd need.... Well," he laughed, "even I don't know what you'd need to do that. And I'm the Doctor!"

"You'd need the Great Key of Rassilon," Eleven said quietly.

"And a modified De-mat Gun," Handy muttered, smoothing out his daughter's hair.

"And you'd need to keep running forever to keep the memories from catching up-"

"-because you'll never be able to sleep again-"

"-without dreaming of them." There was a long moment of silence. Eleven smiled suddenly, his voice almost chipper. "Or at least that's what I've heard! So! How do we get out?"

"Earth!" chirruped Donna.

Everyone turned to stare at her. "Well, its always Earth, isn't it? If something going to go kablewey, that's usually why."

"Very good," Four said approvingly.

"Especially for a such a little girl," agreed Amy. Rory couldn't help it; he laughed. His wife, using all the restraint of a ten-year-old-girl, kicked him in the shins.

Eleven, who realized that it was probably going to have to be his job to be the responsible one, went to Donna. "So what's Earth got to do with this whole Time-Lock business, then?"

Little Donna was about to answer when suddenly all the lights in the Tardis went dead. "Now what?" Eleven sighed, spinning back towards the center console.

Something pounded hard on the front door of the Tardis. "Open up!" a voice bellowed. "By the order of the Lord President Rassilon I order you to surrender to justice! You are surrounded!"

"What do we do now then?" Rory asked.

"Looks like we're going to have to go and say hello, they're not going to let us leave any time soon."

"But we can't all go," Handy interjected, "they're not going to look kindly on you bringing along your past selves after all."

"I'm not staying in here while all the fun goes on out there." Four argued.

"Well, if we stay in here, they'll get us all. And that wouldn't be good," Eleven added, slightly unnecessarily.

"How about Amy and me go?"

"Amy and I," Ten corrected his daughter. "And no, absolutely not. I can't let two little girlllll-" he broke off when he saw Amelia's look, "you two girls go all alone."

"No, I think its a good idea- we're kids, they won't hurt us. We can pretend Donna just nicked the TARDIS, or something."

Everyone looked hesitant. "If Rassilon is in charge, that's doubtful, I'm afraid."

There was more heavy banging at the TARDIS doors, and some very demanding shouts. Rory shot his 'do something' look at Eleven. "Okay, okay, fine," said the man in the bow-tie. "I'll take Amy and Donna- everyone else- yes, that includes both of me- stay in the TARDIS. I don't want them knowing how warped the time-line has gotten."

Everyone looked set to argue, but Eleven grabbed the girls by the hand, waving at his companions to hide; and then the three of them marched to the door, and onto the surface of Gallifrey.