Thursday, March 24, 2011

Crack Fic: Chapter Two

Chapter One

When we last left our Crack Fic....

"Now I know this may be a bit of a shock for you but it's all prefectly normal. Sort of. Maybe. Anyway, Amy has had the slightest change of appearance but nothing to panic about really."

Rory opened his mouth, and then closed it. He had a few more goes before finally asking, "Was that you trying to calming me down? Because actually you're doing a wonderful job of making me terribly- I mean, the last time you told me not to panic, I lost an eyebrow."

"And, it grew back. Come on, we don't have time."

He lead Rory to the pile of fruit that was once Amy. Rory was confused.

Rory stared at the pile of fruit the Doctor, suddenly noticing the police cap that had fallen next to them. His face was blank as he turned around. "Tell me that's not what I think it is, Doctor. Tell me my wife hasn't turned into fruit."

"Your wife hasn't turned into fruit." The Doctor replied in a bold faced lie, merely listening to Rory's request that he say that. "Now then. I need you to arrange that fruit into an Amyesque shape." He ordered. He could have just done this himself, of course, but that would involve touching pears.

"If the fruit isn't Amy then why do I - Oh no. She HAS turned into fruit! My foxy wife is now a pile of badly stacked pears! I don't want to be married to pears! Change her back!"

"I would if you would just stack it like I told you to!" the Doctor shouted.

Sobbing, Rory began to stack the pears and other pieces of assorted fruit into a vague Amyesque shape.

"Rory, I need you to relax." He looked sternly into his face. "Crying isn't going to help. Unfortunately, I feel that there's going to be a great deal of crying and screaming and yelling-"

"You did turn her into fruit, what d'you expect!"

"I didn't do it Rory- and she's not just fruit. She's emotion fruit. Now, if this doesn't work Rory I want you to remember something.' Rory looked up from stroking what the Doctor assumed was meant to be a hand but in reality looked like a claw. "She's not dead or anything." The Doctor continued, once he was certain Rory was listening. "Well, she isn't exactly alive, either, being fruit, but... we could always grow an Amy tree!" He was clearly under the impression that this would make Rory feel better.

"An Amy tree?" Rory asked incredulously. "No, Doctor. You have to change her back right now, I'm not staying married to a pile of fruit, or even a tree."

"Come now Rory," the Doctor replied, "you could water her, prune her, what more could a loving husband ask for?"

"Well I can think of at least two things."

The Doctor stared back at him blankly for several seconds before speaking. "She can't talk back but speaking to her will certainly make her grow faster, and you could always adopt!" He replied, absolutely certain that children and conversation were what Rory meant.

Rory stared at the Doctor, his mouth slightly open in confusion.

"Now I thought I told you to stack those pears," the Doctor broke the silence, "it's highly improbable they'll stack themselves you know."

But when Rory turned, the pears were perfectly stacked. Both men stared. "I should not have said that," said the Doctor. "I really should not have said that. Highly improbable things are always so... probable."